I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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