There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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