You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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