I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
