i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
