Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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