I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
