I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
