Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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