This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
