I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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