after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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