One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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