my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
