I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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