Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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