Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
