Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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