found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
