Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Are my feet made of real feet?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize