dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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