Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
