Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
