Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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