I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
