finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
