btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
