I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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