If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
