I'm drive I can fine osifer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need a burrito and a hug.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
