I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
