well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then my night got REAL pukey
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
