If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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