He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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