we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
