you guys were way drunker than both of me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
