He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
