WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
