What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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