He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
