She announced her abortion via fbk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
