She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize