My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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