This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
