I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
