he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
