I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
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i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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