i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
