you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize