Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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