Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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