do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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