craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
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30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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