You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
