it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
