I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
