she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
