It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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