Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
