rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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