This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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