Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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