My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
