hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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